it’s worse at night

I have always struggled to quiet my mind. Truth be told, I haven't really worked hard at it and I'm sure if I developed a daily meditation routine I would be better in a few months…but my inability to work at something that doesn't have immediate pay-off is a post for another day.

I usually fall asleep ok. But then, sometime during the night, I wake up. Usually it's to pee or because I've heard a sound that wakes me or the cat is being annoying. It's then that I can't get BACK to sleep – and as most people know, we're not very rational when we're tired. My to-do list suddenly feels horrifyingly overwhelming. The little worries I keep at bay throughout the day loom large.

Sometimes I'm able to put in my headphones and listen to a podcast for a bit to get back to sleep but often, I lay awake fretting for an hour or 2. Sometimes I run through the budget, doing the math in my head and trying to figure out how much we can put into savings each month. Sometimes I run scripts of what I need to say to a work partner, boss, kids or husband. Sometimes it's just general worry – lack of health insurance, Aliyah starting school, you name it….

It's all very frustrating and exhausting and just goes to show how powerful our thoughts are.

2 thoughts on “it’s worse at night

  1. Sorry to hear that Mak. I’ve had my share of sleepless nights. My wife makes sure I don’t make a to-do list before going to bed, and that usually helps. I make it in the morning now. However, when you wake up and have something on your mind, that’s a tough one. It’s hard to shake the very real worries we have. And man, I hate budgets! Alas, I suppose I prefer being poor over being a corporate drone… 🙂 Blessings! Hang in there.Ed

  2. Sorry to hear this Mak. I’m reading a book right now called, Flow. It suggests that the brain actually worked towards entropy in a natural state, so when we settle down, the first thing that naturally comes up is chaos. So your not abbienormal. ;-P

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