roller coaster

I hate amusement parks. Well, that might be a little harsh for an inanimate place. I can't go on rides without being drugged senseless on dramamine so they're not really fun. I also don't like crowds. Which means that amusement parks rank right up there with boats on my list of least favorite places to be.

Similarly, I'm not really thrilled with my state of mind over the past couple years. A series of very difficult things happened all at once and the aftershocks of consequences (yeah, I know, I just mixed metaphors) have been hitting me over and over again and I feel like I've been riding a roller coaster without any dramamine. I have moments of clarity and hopefulness and purpose followed by major dips of frustration, resentment, anger and depression.

It sucks.

And I can't keep blaming the person/situations I've been angry with. Well, I can. And I would probably be justified. But ultimately, blaming someone else, no matter how justified, isn't going to get me on solid ground again. I'm pretty good at self analysis and I generally pride myself in being pretty self aware. It usually serves me well, but lately I'm realizing that I basically just have to suck it up and fake it till I make it.

That also sucks.

I had such a simple life for so long. It wasn't glamorous or easy but it was simple. Then shit happened and all the simple got sucked out and replaced with an angry, blurry knot of complicated. … And roller coasters. Bloody roller coasters. I hate them.

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