The Marriage Myth: Why do so many couples divorce? Maybe they just don’t know how to be married.

Gottman found that all couples — those who are happily married into their rocking-chair years and those who divorce before they hit their fifth anniversary — disagree more or less the same amount. He found that they all argue about the same subjects — money, kids, time and sex chief among them — and that for the average couple, 69 percent of those disagreements will be irreconcilable.

read it all here washingtonpost.com

really good stuff

When Infidelity Becomes “Sex Addiction” : Ms Magazine Blog

Are David Duchovny, Tiger Woods and Jesse James all sex addicts unable to restrain themselves? Possibly, but probably not. All three men share high-profile images, power and a sense of male privilege intersecting with the general expectations of “real men.” Their problem is probably not sex addiction but the fact that they got caught having affairs with “tawdry” women that marred their images in the eyes of the public that supports their lifestyles by consuming the pop culture products associated with their names.

To claim sex addiction is a cheap excuse that invalidates actual sex addicts, assumes the public is foolish enough to buy it and puts wives into the position of being grudge-holders if they don’t forgive their spouses for being “ill.” It also distracts us from having a public dialogue that examines the social construction of highly sexualized images of masculinity in our culture, which lies at the root of most of these cases.

Read the whole article here msmagazine.com

This is my general feeling about it.

this is why men get caught…

John Edwards sex tapes reportedly discovered.

Part of the appeal of having an affair must be people knowing….or the threat of being found out. Because sex tapes, undeleted text messages, emails, IM conversations etc. are the downfall of so many men. It doesn't seem to be the same for women who have affairs, which is why I'm singling out men.

be faithful. But if you aren't, do your partner a favor and make sure you don't get found out. Just sayin'.

something you just have to accept at some point

Your spouse/partner is not a beautiful wooden puppet. He/she changes, grows, evolves and FUCKS UP REALLY REALLY BAD sometimes (like, growing nose, turning into an ass and getting eaten by a fish kind of fucking up). That’s called real life. I think at some point, in every partnership, you discover this and you are faced with the choice – are you going to allow yourself to grieve the loss of the fairy tale image and get on to the business of real life love or are you going live in denial that the fairy tale can continue?

choices

Sometimes the choices we make are more lasting and deeply affecting than we think they will be at the time. It might help all of humanity (and definitely our intimate relationships) if we learn to make more thoughtful choices. Or as parents are inclined to tell their children – think it through sweetheart, think it through to the end before you make that choice.

surreal

It’s very surreal when an ex who you used to see as a bit liberal now appears practically a flaming fundamentalist. *edited to clarify – this is a change in ME, not my ex. From what I can tell, he’s pretty much the same on the “conservative liberal spectrum”, I’m the one who has changed ergo, my perceptions of others has changed.